dream a little dream

it' ve been a week since u left... are u in heaven now? i hope u are resting in peace... i miss u...

i been waiting for ur urn to be back with us... everytime i step in the house, i still hav the tendacy to look out for u behind the door... i still have the tendacy to sit the service balacony where u used to be ur place.

i miss u so much so much... i miss u...

5 days of suffering.... no eating.... pooing blood n nothing else..... vomitting those little things u ate..... shivering.... i knw u r in pain..

whn the poo turn black and blood turn black... i knw ur time is almost up... no more miracle... i tried my best... i really did.... but everyone say to let u go in peace is better than letting u torture by the pain till ur last breath...

i chose to let u go in peace.. less than few seconds.... u are sleeping in peace.... u didnt struggle/ choke or move which might be expected from some dogs... u didnt make it more painful for me... thank you.

u r a brave and good girl.... the whole family loves u. i knw u will be in heaven... u definitely be in heaven.

i remember every single things from 7th jan 1997 u stepped into my family till today.... u are a dear... u are joy... u are almost my everythings... i love u always.... no one else will be able to replace ur place in my heart.... no other future will share ur name... u r the unqiue one...

i love u...

it finally happening... the worst condition tht vet want us to monitor...

she has stopped eating since sunday nite... no appetite.... whn we bring the foods in front of her, she run away! i knw tht whn she not eating mean it very ver bad... n she vomit too...

brought her to the vet... they cun do much too. wht every scan or x-ray is only to knw how big is the tumors.... her stomach is bloated big... she is shivering... she is losing blood.... the vet say we must be prepared...

 I knw we have to let her go soon... but the question is - is she living the fullest? is it now the time she really must go? or she still have some more days before she shd be gone? i knw i shdnt let her suffer . Painkiller and antibobics are given to her. hope it will help to subside whtever pain she having and regain her appetite..

i knw in my heart tht she might not be able to pull through for long... mayb not even till end of week if she really still refused to eat.

but tears still keep flowing whn the hard fact is facing me. and i knw her time is short...

there's no photos of her whn she still a puppy. but her 1st nite and her 1st look and her unsteady walk whn she jus arrived at my home and been deeply printed in my heart and memories. The laughters and blessing tht she has given my family,  i will remember those...

 i love u so much tht it jus hurt me so much knwing tht u have to go soon. and i hav to make the decision to let u go. u promise me tht u will go to heaven ok.... there's is where u be shd belong cos u r lovable dog tht never harm any other small animals and u make me feel blessed to be witih u.

i lov u jacky... everyone lov u jacky. u must knw wht decision i have to make, is to let u to have peace and less suffering. i really lov u no matter when u sick or not.  u are part of us, part of our family.

jacky finally went for her surgery after long suffering. 5 lumps has been removed ard her small intestine and rectrum... she must had suffered a lot for the past 1 mth! the vet is saying it definitely is cancer. just tht need to test the lumps and to find out whether it a curable cancer or not. if it those cells tht can kills with chemptherepy then it means, jacky might be able to live a bit more...

 went to see her yesterday, she is in pain.. and in daze after the surgery... my poor dog.... i wish i am the one in pain and not u. i love seeing u sleeping peacefully, banging doors with ur paws, ur gan cheong looks when u wan to go toilet, ur hungry and greedy look whn u are hungry, i love everything abt u... except for ur nagging bark sometime...

i always feel being with u alone at home is the most blessful feeling. having to go for walk with u during noon n mroning is also a blessing. i just feel v blessed whn u r around with me.

u must pull throu these. n live ur fullest!

x-ray found the growth had spread to more than jus colon. her lung, the back of her neck - which i actully can feel it popping up!

i freezed... myheart freezed... i knw i must prepare for the worst. torow will be her operation to remove some of the growth ard the intestine and send for test. and if possible, they will let her have chemotherepy... n pray hard it work well on her. if she response well to it, she can live to her fullest. but if she cun and when she start to suffer... i will have to let her go and rest in peace

i found a lot of information on website about alternative treatment for cancer canine. I decided to give some a try. at least to control her immune system dun let her suffer the pain. and dun let dun evil cell kill my dog!

pray hard the alternative diet / treatment will help her.